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  • Nikki Abramson

Living With Dystonia

Living with Dystonia

I began the day by trying to wake up. My body says no. It doesn’t want to wake up. Another 10 minutes of sleep? Please. I roll over and look at my Fitbit app. On. Sleep. It says I only got 7 hours of sleep. 7 hours? I was in bed for about 9 hours. I rack my brain and realize that much of that was because I was up in pain. My back hurt with back spasms. My sciatica muscle pulled from my back to my legs caused tightness into my legs to hurt. As I rolled in bed tossing and turning in the night, my neck spasmed in pain

as I tried to find a good position to be in. Oh yeah I guess now it makes sense I only got 7 hours of sleep. This is why I am tired. I lie in bed and decide if I should go back to sleep and try to rest or get up. I sleep for a few more minutes. I get up. Stretch my body. Look at my phone. WOW 50 emails come thru my phone just in the evening itself.

Mostly junk. I realize that much of my life, I live with pain and thus making it difficult

and different than many of my peers. But, I guess it is okay. My life isn’t the same. It sucks that my day begins not as I would like, and not like that of many of my friends my age. Pain. Spasms. Headache.

What should I do? Should I take more medication?

Should I take cannabis? That might help, but also might impair my driving

and cognitive function for the day, but might ease the pain. Help!

I began the day in pain. I end my day in pain. I end my day thinking. I end my day the way I start. I end my day in bed with my phone,

looking at it saying I hope I can get closer to 8 hours of sleep tonight. I end my day saying yes life sucks to have a disability, but I am grateful. I end my day the way I woke up,

Saying, should I really go to bed now knowing that I am in pain? I end my day trying to do something so that I can sleep. Should I take medication so I can sleep better but knowing it might knock me out?

I end my day the way I began.

I began my day and I end my day with trying to search for more meaning and more love.

—Nikki Abramson


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